Neither Here Nor There

t-shirts

leigh — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 17:12:27 GMT

$16 using promotion code "2004"

Free Dr Pepper Today

leigh — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 16:06:35 GMT

http://www.drpepper.com/freeDrPepper/

Dunk idea...

colonel — Tue, 27 May 2008 15:15:48 GMT

From the Onion...

Local export licenser Andy Rosenwald, 47, announced Monday that he recently came up with a revolutionary new idea for a slam dunk, and that he is willing to share the idea with any professional basketball player who would like to perform it.

"I'm sitting on a gold mine here," said Rosenwald, who reportedly conceived of the dunk while watching NBA highlights on SportsCenter last week. "I saw guys doing other dunks, and this one just popped into my head. I was like, hey, that's pretty good."

Since then, Rosenwald has focused on getting the word out about his dunk idea, admitting that it is "not doing any good just sitting here" in his Torrington home.

"I'm just the idea man," said Rosenwald, noting that he himself is unable to dunk a basketball.

According to Rosenwald's descriptions and several crude sketches made on looseleaf paper, the dunk involves the player running toward the hoop, tossing the basketball off the backboard, jumping up while spinning around 180 degrees in midair, and catching the ball above his head while his back is facing the hoop. At this point, Rosenwald said, it gets a little tricky. The player, still in the air, must then palm the ball with his right hand, transfer it behind his back to his left hand, and, upon completing his full 360-degree spin, dunk the ball over the left side of the rim.

"You could call it the Whirly Bird," Rosenwald said.

Rosenwald is offering the idea free of charge and accepting all serious requests. He said that if any NBA players are interested in using his dunk, or want to talk to him further about it in person, they should contact him immediately.

"It would be perfect for Michael Jordan, but he's retired, so I wouldn't mind giving it to a guy like LeBron James or Karl Malone," Rosenwald said. "Preferably someone good, because it's pretty hard."

After coming up with the framework for the dunk, Rosenwald reportedly spent a few minutes each day tweaking it and mapping it out to make sure the move was feasible.

"I tried it in slow motion with a balled-up sock and my hamper," he said. "It works."

"It's all about going up, under, and around, and then in," added Rosenwald, who then demonstrated the dunk's feasibility by standing on his tiptoes, grabbing the top of his bedroom door frame with both hands, and excitedly saying, "Slam."

Although Rosenwald admitted the dunk is probably best suited for an official slam-dunk contest, he said it would be "very cool" to see it performed during a live NBA game.

"If it was in a game, the guy could, instead of tossing the ball off the backboard, he could bounce it really hard through the other guy's legs," Rosenwald said. "I think the fans would enjoy that."

Rosenwald also said it would be preferable if, as the player slammed the ball through the hoop, he pointed to the cameras and shouted "Rosenwald!" or "Rosenwald, baby!" to give him credit for the idea, but noted that it would not be necessary.

"The real reward would be seeing a dunk I invented on the highlight reel," Rosenwald said. "The SportsCenter guy could say 'cool as the other side of the pillow' for it."

If NBA players enjoy this idea and begin using the dunk in regular season and playoff games, Rosenwald said he has "plenty more where that came from." He has already been mentally workshopping several other dunks, including one in which the player throws a "really high" alley-oop to himself, one in which the player spins the ball on his finger before dunking it, and one where the player uses one hand to do a "backwards dunk" through the bottom of the net, then grabs it with his other hand and slams it back down.

Rosenwald also recently came up with what he has termed a "cool dribble move," which involves the player pretending to go one way, then bouncing the ball off his knee in the opposite direction.

"I'm not sure if it's legal to hit the ball with your knee," Rosenwald said. "Maybe the Harlem Globetrotter guys would like that one."

In the meantime, Rosenwald remains committed to not letting his dunk idea go to waste.

"I told the idea to my son, and I think he thought it was pretty cool," he said. "Maybe he could tell it to his [Torrington Junior High j.v. basketball] coach, who maybe has connections to the NBA. Then this idea can finally get off the ground."

Housing crisis...

colonel — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 19:10:45 GMT

From the Onion...

According to 5-year-old Janie Wright's mean older brother, Dave, 8, if unsuitable borrowers Ken and Barbie continue to default on their high-risk subprime mortgages, it could spell the worst doll-housing crisis to hit the plastic couple since someone threw their dream home's roof out a window.

"[Ken and Barbie] were dumb and ugly so now they're going to lose their home and it's going to wind up in the garbage," said the big jerk, who predicted that since the dolls have not made a single payment, he might just have to cut off all of Barbie's hair to sell it for extra money. "Maybe they can move into a shoe box that they barely fit into. But it won't have any windows so they'll suffocate and die."

The nasty older sibling added that since Ken and Barbie never insured the dollhouse, they would have no recourse in the event of fire, flood, or stomping.

facebook

peterg — Mon, 24 Sep 2007 21:03:58 GMT

hey, I thought I might start a KFBA group on facebook, anyone interested in joining if I do?

Rove gone!

colonel — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 23:12:42 GMT

From the Onion...

A confused President Bush broke free from the restraint of Secret Service agents and ran in pursuit of departing deputy chief of staff Karl Rove's car for several blocks down Pennsylvania Avenue before being outdistanced by the vehicle.

"Why can't I go with him?" Bush tearfully asked advisers as the longtime Republican strategist's sedan disappeared over the horizon. "When is he coming back?"

White House staff were deeply moved by the scene, saying that despite their best efforts, no one was able to explain to the president that he would no longer be able to remain at his chief adviser's side. Onlookers were clearly choked up as a tearful Rove, trying to close the car door behind him, told Bush in a stern, commanding tone to back away.

"Go on…you hear me? Get out of here, I say!" Rove said. "I don't love you anymore, understand? Now get! Get!"

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice witnessed the emotionally charged moment. "We knew that deep down [Rove] still cared, that he was only pretending to be mad at the president," she said. "But he had no choice. Leaving was the only way to avoid the ongoing Congressional inquiries."

Rove reportedly tried to prepare Bush for this inevitability in late July by taking him on a special fishing trip so they could spend some quality time together and he could also give Bush a brief rundown on how the presidency works. Rove said he "didn't have the heart" to break the news to the president, who fell asleep in their rowboat with the fishing pole still in his hands. On his last day, nearly two weeks later, Rove spent the whole morning with Bush before the tear-jerking exit, ruffling his hair, telling him to "be brave" and "listen to Cheney," and explaining that he was going to have to be "the man of the White House now."

Though Rove's resignation had been imminent for weeks, Bush appeared oblivious to the situation, which is evident in photos of him smiling as if nothing were wrong until the moment he discovered several suitcases near one of the West Wing's back-door exits. According to high-level administration sources, Bush asked Rove, "Where are we going?"

While sneaking the departing official out to a waiting town car, Secret Service agents were briefly able to deceive Bush by telling him Rove was just running down to the cellar to get him some ice cream. But when Bush heard the car's engine start in the driveway, he burst outside to stop Rove.

"I'll never forget the sight of the president, watching Rove's face in the back window, becoming smaller and smaller as the car pulled away forever," Rice said.

The president continued to ask about his former adviser throughout the day, often clutching Rove's day planner, dialing his extension, and blinking uncomprehendingly when told that Rove was never coming back.

White House press secretary Tony Snow was finally called in to attempt to convey the reality of the situation to the president, but was unable to do so.

"He kept looking up at me with those wide, innocent eyes, and I didn't know what to say," Snow told reporters. "Maybe someday when he's older, he'll understand how the public lost trust in his big buddy after a series of crucial political missteps, and how firing those attorneys and the...."

At this point in the briefing Snow fell silent, overcome with emotion, moving many in the press room to tears.

White House officials say they would like to give President Bush more time to process the loss before pressuring him to appoint a new deputy chief of staff, since he does not yet appear ready to confront the concept of a "new Rove."

Dog Urine...

colonel — Wed, 22 Aug 2007 22:24:17 GMT

From the Onion...

A team of researchers at Johns Hopkins University have found a link between the consumption of dog urine and the decreased likelihood of heart attacks, team leaders announced Tuesday in cracking, uneven voices.

"Our research indicates that by drinking six to eight glasses of fresh dog urine per day, individuals can reduce the risk of cardiac arrest by as much as 70 percent," said Dr. Arnold Minton, covering his mouth with his hand. "This abundantly available material contains magical cardio-fluxo-medicines that strengthen the heart's mitral chambers and help keep its four aortic corridors clear of toxins and other such harmful substances."

Apologizing for his occasional laughter and explaining that the morning's Hi & Lois comic strip was "really funny," team member Dr. Dinesh Patel explained the origins of the six-hour study.

"I noticed that my dog had never had a heart attack, and I'd never heard of a dog having a heart attack, so I realized that there is what scientists call 'a cause-effect phenomenon' at work here," Patel said. "Well, it turned out it's their urine."

Patel then ran from the podium.

After being pushed to the microphone by Minton, Dr. Leonard Weiscz outlined the team's recommendations for those wishing to diminish their chance of a potentially deadly myocardial infarction: "Get yourself a dog, ideally a Labrador retriever, as the Ph level is optimal in this particular breed, and then train it to urinate into a bucket," Weiscz said. "Then, when the bucket is three-quarters to four-quarters full, lift it to your mouth and chug as quickly as you can."

Weiscz then stepped down from the podium "to examine [his] notes."

Minton said a more convenient form of the active ingredients in dog urine will likely one day be synthesized for an over-the-counter medication, but he stressed that such a breakthrough is at least 10 to 15 years down the road.

"For now, you need a dog—excuse me a moment," said Minton, doubling over and inhaling sharply. "And a bucket."

According to the Johns Hopkins team, for maximum effectiveness, the urine should not be mixed with any other substance.

"Drink it straight," said Weiscz, wiping his eyes with a handkerchief. "Don't mix it with anything, not even water."

The group then called for a short break in the press conference. Returning after five minutes with somber faces, the scientists revealed more of their findings, including their suggestion that the urine be consumed "right out in public."

"It's also important to yell out, 'Ah, that's some tasty dog pee!' as soon as you're done," said Minton, his chest visibly shaking. "I should know. I'm a trained medical professional."

Turning to the panel of scientists behind him, Minton shouted, "Shut up, you guys!"

Upon the conclusion of Minton's remarks, the floor was opened to questions. The first came from Washington Post reporter Ken Coultier, who asked the researchers to discuss their own dog-urine-consumption habits.

"I wouldn't drink dog piss," Patel responded.

Coultier then asked the researcher to explain why, if urine reduces the risk of heart attacks, he would choose not to follow his own advice.

"I don't have to drink it," Patel said. "I'm not in a high-risk group."

"Why don't you drink some?" added Patel before calling for an end to the question-and-answer session.

Tuesday's announcement is believed to be the most significant medical breakthrough from the Johns Hopkins team since its 1997 discovery that a grape stuffed in the left nostril for 48 hours will lower blood pressure by 30 percent.

Bill Murray - Golf Cart - DUI

schottsie — Wed, 22 Aug 2007 20:46:08 GMT

It doesn't get much cooler than Bill Murray....

http://www.golf.com/golf/tours_news/article/0,28136,1655159,00.html

Bill Murray: Drunken driving in a golf cart?

Published: August 22, 2007

STOCKHOLM, Sweden (AP) — Bill Murray could face a drunken driving charge after cruising through downtown Stockholm in a golf cart and refusing to take a breath test, citing U.S. law.

Police officers spotted the "Caddyshack" star early Monday in the slow-moving vehicle and noticed he smelled of alcohol when they pulled him over, said Detective-Inspector Christer Holmlund of the Stockholm police.

"He refused to blow in the (breath test) instrument, citing American legislation," Holmlund told The Associated Press on Wednesday. "So we applied the old method — a blood test. It will take 14 days before the results are in."

Murray, who had been at a golf tournament in Sweden, signed a document admitting that he was driving under the influence, and agreed to let a police officer plead guilty for him if the case goes to court, Holmlund said.

"Then he was let go. My guess is he went back to America," Holmlund said.

He said the 56-year-old actor-comedian would only be charged if tests show his blood alcohol level exceeded the legal limit, which is quite low in Sweden.

A very high alcohol level could lead to a prison sentence, but Holmlund said fines were more likely.

"There were no obvious signs, like when someone is really tipsy," he said.

The golf cart had been on display for a week outside the downtown hotel where Murray and other VIPs attending the Scandinavian Masters golf tournament, were staying, tournament head Fredrik Nilsmark said.

Murray apparently drove the golf cart to the trendy Cafe Opera nightclub, less than a mile away, and was pulled over on his way back to the hotel.

Nilsmark said the vehicle wasn't intended for guests but added: "I don't hold any grudge against Bill Murray for borrowing our cart for a while."

Cafe Opera manager Daniel Bodahl confirmed that Murray had visited the nightclub late Sunday and said "he was a very good guest."

It isn't illegal to drive a golf cart in city traffic in Sweden, but Holmlund said it is very unusual.

"I have done this since '68 and I've never experienced anything like this," he said.

Murray was among the cast members on NBC's "Saturday Night Live." He was nominated for an Oscar for 2003's "Lost in Translation." His screen credits also include "Groundhog Day" and "Rushmore."

Glavine's ultimatum...

colonel — Thu, 09 Aug 2007 22:49:20 GMT

From the Onion...

Moments after the last out in his historic 300th pitching win, Mets ace Tom Glavine silenced a crowd of well-wishers by announcing in a cold, emotionless voice that he would be the last ever to win 300 games.

"Make no mistake, after me, there will be no one else to win this many games as a pitcher. Ever," said Glavine in tones that froze the blood of all who heard it. "Randy Johnson will not recover from his injuries. [Mike] Mussina will not play, and perhaps not live, long enough. And C. C. Sabathia, I beg you—You are so young, with so much to live for. Do not dance with the devil by attempting to win 300 games now that Glavine has done so."

Upon hearing Glavine's chilling declaration, top pitchers Andy Pettite, Barry Zito, and Tim Hudson announced they woud retire at the end of the season.

One Hitters...

colonel — Fri, 03 Aug 2007 20:57:31 GMT

From http://daregeneration.blogspot.com...

The One Hitters, a softball team sponsored by Students for Sensible Drug Policy and the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws, took over the #1 ranking in the Congressional Softball League last night. The team’s 13-3 record has vaulted them to the top of the league, which is made up of Congressional offices, lobbying and consulting firms, non-profit organizations, and local businesses.

Team leaders are especially proud of the ranking, which contradicts negative stereotypes of drug policy reformers as unmotivated “stoners.” “The drug policy reform community is made up of dedicated, hardworking people who take the issues of drug abuse and drug prohibition very seriously,” said One Hitters captain and SSDP Executive Director Kris Krane. “We take pride in fielding a fun but competitive team that dispels myths and stereotypes about people who care about ending the so called ‘War on Drugs.’”
The One Hitters have competed in the league for five years. Two years ago they made national headlines when the White House Office of National Drug Control Policy refused to play a game due to ideological reasons. “Everyone knows that ONDCP backed out because they were scared of losing to us on the field, much the same way they are afraid to debate us because their policies fail in the court of public opinion,” said center fielder David Guard, who is associate director of the Drug Reform Coordination Network. “We have an open challenge to the Drug Czar to play or debate anytime, anywhere.”

Other teams in the league include the Republican and Democratic National Committees (RNC & DNC Softball), Arizona Senators McCain and Kyl (No Talent AZ Clowns), the Department of Justice (Vote for Pedro), US Customs & Border Protection (Border Liners), Representatives Cummings and Sarbanes (Baltimore Oracles), Bloomberg News (Bloomberg Bombers), Pharmaceutical Research and Manufacturers of America (Team PhRMA), and the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force (Outfielders).

*** The One Hitters' next game is against the No Talent AZ Clowns on Tuesday, August 7 at 6:30PM on 23rd and Constitution. ***

The One Hitters are a team in the Congressional Softball League sponsored by Students for Sensible Drug Policy and the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws, with players representing a variety of drug policy organizations including the Marijuana Policy Project, the Drug Reform Coordination Network, and the Interfaith Drug Policy Initiative.

# # #

Update: The One Hitters are now offering a line of One Hitters apparel!

Hudson's Undrafted...

colonel — Mon, 30 Jul 2007 15:06:15 GMT

From MVN.Com...

I guess I was one of 78 people in the US to buy Troy Hudson’s album in its first week. I was also one of 38 people in Minneapolis to buy it.

And relatively speaking, it sold extremely well in the Twin Cities. The album sold four copies in Indianapolis, one copy in Phoenix, and no copies in Huddy’s hometown of Carbondale, Illinois.

If Troy Hudson’s reading this…YOU OWE ME. C’mon…alone, I accounted for 1.3% of your CD sales. And some of those sales have to be credited to my review of the album.

I’m figuring that at least three people bought the CD because of my review. They’re selling for 12 bucks each…I think I should be getting at least 50% of that. T-Hud, you’re on notice. I’ll be expecting a check for 18 dollars by next week.

The big question: What should they do with all the unsold “Undrafted” albums? Hey, I’d be willing to take a few more…I’m running a little short on coasters.

His album sold so badly, I’m thinking it might even affect the buyout negotiations. He got absolutely HUMILIATED in the music industry. He sold 78 CDs! That’s a HUGE ego hit…but a big payday courtesy of Glen Taylor could ease the pain nicely.

Disabled sues...

colonel — Fri, 20 Jul 2007 21:39:36 GMT

From the Sacramento Bee...

Basketball Town, a 50,000-square-foot sports center in Rancho Cordova that offers basketball camps by Sacramento Kings players and others, has been hit with a disabled-access lawsuit that could close it down by August, its owners say.

The suit, filed by an Oakland attorney who is believed to be the nation's longest-practicing access attorney, seeks to bring the facility into compliance with the Americans With Disabilities Act and asks for unspecified monetary damages.

Attorney Paul Rein, who has fought for disabled access in landmark suits against the Squaw Valley ski resort and against Stanford University over its football stadium, filed the suit in U.S. District Court in Sacramento last November on behalf of Derrick Ross, a Suisun City man.

Ross, who is quadriplegic and uses a motorized wheelchair, sued after traveling to Basketball Town with his wife and 6-year-old nephew for a May 6, 2006, birthday party.

Ross claims the facility did not have the proper disabled parking and that when he got inside, there was no access for him at the party, which was being held in an upstairs mezzanine level.

"For about an hour and a half, while his wife and nephew attended the party upstairs, (Ross) was excluded from all activities on the mezzanine because of his inability as a disabled person to ascend the stairs," the suit states. "(Ross) felt left out and humiliated while his disappointed six-year-old nephew kept coming down and asking his uncle ... to join the party."

Ross wants Basketball Town to install an elevator or lift so that disabled people can access the upper level, the suit states.

Crystal Chodes, director of marketing and special events for Basketball Town, said legal fees related to the suit are harming the operation, which has been a magnet for basketball fans since it opened in April 2002.

The center, with five basketball courts, has hosted basketball camps sponsored by current and former Kings stars such as Mike Bibby and Bobby Jackson.

"Over 100,000 families come through Basketball Town each year," Chodes said, noting that the facility hosts AAU level tournaments and similar events on a regular basis, drawing teams from all over Northern California.

Young people from age 5 through high school are the facility's key customers for basketball and volleyball tournaments, skills clinics, open gym or individual workouts with personal trainers.

"We work with hundreds of kids each week," Chodes said, adding that programs also are available for adults.

Since the lawsuit was filed, Basketball Town has stopped hosting birthday parties and closed its upper level to avoid more ADA trouble.

But the legal dispute now threatens to shutter the facility, she said.

"I have been told that they could close us down by the end of August," she said.

Chodes said that during the party, Basketball Town's staff offered to carry Ross up the stairs but he declined.

Rein, Ross' attorney, said such an offer was unacceptable.

"How would you like to be carried?" he asked. "Physically disabled people have had numerous accidents by people with the best intentions trying to carry them. ... You trip and someone might end up a quadriplegic instead of a paraplegic."

Ron Jenanyan, Basketball Town's general manager, said the party eventually was moved downstairs, though he could not say for sure how long it took.

Chodes said in a press release that Basketball Town has been certified as compliant with the Americans With Disabilities Act by Sacramento County inspectors because the same amenities are provided upstairs as downstairs.

Jenanyan also said that because Basketball Town's property owner, Greg Hardcastle, believes his facility to be disabled-compliant, he's balking at spending money on an elevator or a lift.

The Sacramento County assessor lists the property as the Hardcastle Marital Trust. Hardcastle's mother, Barbara, who Jenanyan said owns the land the property is built upon, also is named in the suit.

Disabled-access lawsuits are complex and can hinge on very tricky details, said Kim R. Blackseth, a prominent disabled access consultant and expert based in Oakland.

Without looking at Basketball Town and examining the court documents, Blackseth said, it is hard to determine how much weight the defendant's argument carries. But a basic look at federal and state regulations indicates that Basketball Town could well be in compliance, he said.

With equal first- and second-level amenities, federal regulations requiring elevators or lifts may not be triggered until a building rises three levels or higher, he said.

State access provisions for "privately funded" multiple-story buildings may not require an elevator if amenities are equal on the first and second levels and the use is not an office building, service station, health care provider, shopping center or shopping mall, Blackseth said.

Rein scoffed at the idea that the building was already compliant.

"It's such horse manure," he said. "The place was built brand new in 2000 ... 10 years after the federal Americans With Disabilities Act."

"This is just the thing that is not supposed to be done," he added. "Brand new construction out of compliance with the rights of disabled people."

Rein said he's willing to talk about settlement if Basketball Town is willing to put in a lift, which he estimated would cost around $10,000.

But Basketball Town's estimate was more along the lines of $50,000, Jenanyan said.

"And that's $50,000 we don't have," he said.

Both sides in the dispute participated in a three-hour facility inspection on June 7, Jenanyan said. Basketball Town is still waiting to hear back from Ross' attorney.

Until it hears back, the company has not yet offered to install a lift or make any kind of monetary settlement, Jenanyan said.

He agreed with Chodes' assessment that the place probably couldn't last through August at the rate things are going.

"What we need is to find some kind of settlement," Jenanyan said. "We can't keep hanging in limbo."

But Rein said closing down Basketball Town was never his client's intention.

"All they have to do is agree to put in a lift so that disabled people can use (the facility) just the same as everyone else, and we'll be happy to talk about settlement," he said.

Letter from GEICO...

colonel — Tue, 10 Jul 2007 23:18:03 GMT

From McSweeney's...

Dear Mr. Prime,

We have received your accident-claim reports for the month of June—they total 27. I regret to inform you that GEICO will not be able to reimburse you for any of those repairs. I feel that I have sent the same letter to you once a month for the last six months, and I am now sending it again.

Since becoming a GEICO customer in January of this year, you have reported 131 accidents, requesting reimbursement for repairs necessitated by each one. You have claimed not to be responsible in any of them, usually listing the cause of the accident as either "Sneak attack by Decepticons" or "Unavoidable damage caused by protecting freedom for all sentient beings."

The only repairs for which you were reimbursed were the replacement of a cracked fender and a headlight, required after a Mr. I. Ron Hide backed his van into your truck; these cost $1,286.63. Our own investigation concluded that you were not at fault and that Mr. Hide had been drinking prior to the accident. Though police were unable to test his blood-alcohol level—Mr. Hide claimed that it would be impossible for police to examine his blood-alcohol content with a Breathalyzer, because he "doesn't breathe"—under Washington-state law, refusal to take a Breathalyzer test is equivalent to returning a result above the legal level.

But, I repeat, those were the only repairs for which you have been reimbursed, and it was a very minor accident in comparison to your other claims. I mention a few to illustrate the larger trend:

$379,431.34 requested reimbursement for repairs to your truck cabin. You claimed the damage was caused by attacking fighter jets.

$665,789.11 requested reimbursement for repairs to your trailer. You claimed the damage was caused by a giant mechanical scorpion, which I can only assume is some amusement-park ride, although I question the wisdom of bringing your mobile home so close to such dangerous equipment.

$6,564,239.44 requested reimbursement for repairs to a truck part called the "Autobot Matrix of Leadership." You stated this occurred in "an ultimate confrontation between good and evil," with a Ms. Meg Atron and a Mr. U. Nicron causing the damage in question. Mr. Prime, I have checked every known car- and truck-part catalog published in the United States and have found nothing even resembling that part, never mind any part so expensive. Whatever disagreements you had with Ms. Atron and Mr. Nicron, I suggest that next time you either settle things peaceably or leave your Autobot Matrix of Leadership at home so it doesn't break. GEICO does not cover Autobot Matrix of Leaderships.
And the list goes on. Mr. Prime, I am going to remind you again: Your policy with GEICO only reimburses you for accidents that occur while you are engaged in the reasonable use of your truck and trailer. As I told you when you originally purchased the policy, GEICO does not offer Megatron coverage, Starscream coverage, Soundwave coverage, Decepticon coverage, or Energon-blast coverage. Those are just not the types of damages we would expect from reasonable use.

To sum up, GEICO has been unable to reimburse you for any repairs, but due to the high number of accidents you have been a party to this month, combined with the many accidents you have had in the preceding five months, your premium has increased to $235,567.50 per month. While that may seem like a lot, I remind you that it is a savings of $137 over Progressive and $98 over State Farm. Please have your check into our main office by the end of July.

Regards,

Simon Furman
GEICO Agent

Pat Burke's Hair Restoration Tonic...

colonel — Wed, 06 Jun 2007 22:47:03 GMT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ndFCCiohVoM

Black Robbers

schottsie — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 01:19:03 GMT

This is a good one-

Black Robbers

For anyone who didn't see David Letterman's take on this: (And it's a true
story...) On a recent weekend in Atlantic City , a woman won a bucketful of
quarters at a slot machine. She took a break from the slots for dinner with
her husband in the hotel dining room. But first she wanted to stash the
quarters in her room. "I'll be right back and we'll go to eat," she told
her husband and carried the coin-laden bucket to the elevator.

As she was about to walk into the elevator she noticed two men already
aboard. Both were black. One of them was tall...very tall...an
intimidating figure. The woman froze. Her first thought was: "These two
are going to rob me." Her next thought was: "Don't be a bigot; they look
like perfectly nice gentlemen." But racial stereotypes are powerful,
and fear immobilized her. She stood and stared at the two men. She felt
anxious, flustered and ashamed. She hoped they didn't read her mind but
gosh, they had to know what she was thinking!!!

Her hesitation about joining them in the elevator was all too obvious now.
Her face was flushed. She couldn't just stand there, so with a mighty
effort of will she picked up one foot and stepped forward and followed with
the other foot and was on the elevator. Avoiding eye contact, she turned
around stiffly and faced the elevator doors as they closed. A second
passed, and then another second, and then another. Her fear increased! The
elevator didn't move. Panic consumed her. "My God," she thought, I'm
trapped and about to be robbed! "Her heart plummeted. Perspiration poured
from every pore.

Then one of the men said, "Hit the floor." Instinct told her to do what
they told her. The bucket of quarters flew upwards as she threw out her
arms and collapsed on the elevator floor. A shower of coins rained down on
her. Take my money and spare me, she prayed. More seconds passed. She
heard one of the men say politely, "Ma'am, if you'll just tell us what
floor you're going to, we'll push the button." The one who said it had a
little trouble getting the words out. He was trying mightily to hold in a
belly laugh. The woman lifted her head and looked up at the two men. They
reached down to help her up. Confused, she struggled to her feet. "When I
told my friend here to hit the floor," said the average sized one, "I meant
that he should hit the elevator button for our floor. I didn't mean for you
to hit the floor, ma'am." He spoke genially. He bit his lip. It was
obvious he was having a hard time not laughing. The woman thought: "My God,
what a spectacle I've made of myself." She was too humiliated to speak.
She wanted to blurt out an apology, but words failed her. How do you
apologize to two perfectly respectable gentlemen for behaving as though
they were going to rob you? She didn't know what to say. The three of them
gathered up the strewn quarters and refilled her bucket. When the elevator
arrived at her floor they then insisted on walking her to her room. She
seemed a little unsteady on her feet, and they were afraid she might not
make it down the corridor. At her door they bid her a good evening. As she
slipped into her room she could hear them roaring with laughter as they
walked back to the elevator. The woman brushed herself off. She pulled
herself together and went downstairs for dinner with her husband.

The next morning flowers were delivered to her room - a dozen roses.
Attached to EACH rose was a crisp one hundred dollar bill.

The card said: "Thanks for the best laugh we've had in years."

It was signed;
Eddie Murphy
Michael Jordan

PS - Pass this around so others can enjoy! Black Robbers - a true story

Onion on Duncan

ciwasko — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 16:02:54 GMT

Not sure if the Colonel has already posted this one...

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/tim_duncan_rooting_for_cavaliers

Ummm... An avatar?

colonel — Fri, 10 Feb 2006 23:18:38 GMT

Mitchell, SD

djlucky51 — Fri, 25 May 2007 10:09:53 GMT

Regarding an article the colonel posted above about Mike Miller, who it turns out is from this little town near the South Dakota/Minnesota border. It reminded me of a road trip we were on when I was a kid and we stopped at this place--you could say it was my first hallucinagenic experience, this building all decked out with a corn mural. Yes, it's real, and it's huge.
http://www.roadsideamerica.com/attract/SDMITcorn.html

We made brownies and I think we're dead...

colonel — Thu, 17 May 2007 15:29:25 GMT

After injesting pot brownies, idiot cop calls 911 on self, wife. You can hear the 911 call by clicking "Click here to download audio track" on this page...

http://www.freep.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2007305090002

Tom Brady wearing a Yankees Hat

schottsie — Fri, 04 May 2007 18:49:57 GMT

I am not sure why, but I love this story and how the evil Red Sox fans must feel. You would NEVER see a high-profile NY athlete in a different sport than baseball wearing a Red Sox hat. Let's go Yankees!

http://mlb.aolsportsblog.com/2007/05/03/front-page-news-tom-brady-in-a-yankees-hat/

Same Old Same Old...

colonel — Thu, 26 Apr 2007 23:37:30 GMT

From the Onion...

With the Iraq war in its fifth year, the war in Afghanistan in its sixth, and conflict between Israel and the rest of the region continuing unabated for more than half a century, intelligence sources are warning that a new wave of violence in the Middle East may soon blah blah blah, etc. etc., you know the rest.

"Tensions in the region are extremely high," said U.S. Ambassador to Iraq Ryan Crocker, who added the same old same old while answering reporters' questions. "We're disappointed by the events of the last few months, but we're confident that we're about to [yakety yakety yak]."

The U.N. has issued a strongly worded whatever denouncing someone or something presumably having to do with the vicious explosive things that raged across this, or shattered the predawn calm of that, or ripped suddenly through the other, killing umpteen innocent civilians in a Jerusalem bus or Beirut discotheque or Fallujah mosque or whatever it was this time.

In the aftermath of a whole series of incidents, there have also been troubling reports of just fill in the blanks. Middle East experts say the still somehow worsening situation has inflamed age-old sectarian tensions between the Sunnis, Shiites, Semites, Kurds, Turks, Saudis, Persians, Wahhabis, radicals, extremists, Baathists, mullahs, clerics, et al, which is likely to lead to more gurgle-gurgle over the coming weeks and months.

A certain number of U.S. troops were also killed somewhere in some tragic fashion, while a much greater number were wounded. Meanwhile, impoverished or oppressed supporters of whichever faction carried out the attack or ambush probably celebrated, angering an angry U.S. public that is already angry. Locals are calling for an investigation into excessive force or outright corruption by military or political officials on one of the 15 sides of the various conflicts, although the implicated party has categorically denied wrongdoing, just like they always do, without fail, every time this happens, which is daily, it seems.

And in Afghanistan, the Taliban.

In Israel, Palestinians and Israelis escalated tensions and so on and so on ad infinitum, ad eternum, and some say, ad absurdum, and although Hamas released a statement condemning Israeli forces for the resulting civilian deaths, Israeli officials say the teens were armed with rocket launchers, though it doesn't really matter.

Also, Ahmadinejad, Iran's nuclear program, bin Laden at large, Moqtada al-Sadr, Moqtada al-Sadr's militia, Fallujah, renegade mullahs, embedded and/or beheaded journalists, oil revenues, stockpiles of former Soviet armaments, freedom, racism, Halliburton, women's role in Islamic society, the Quran, withdrawing troops, economic disparities, Sikhs, Pakistanis, oil, rebuilding, stories of hope, the Saudi royal family, the Holy Land, insurgents, and the tragedy of Sept. 11th.

In an attempt to increase public support of whatever the fuck it is he thinks he's doing, President Bush trotted out the same old whoop-de-do you've heard over and over at a solemn-yet-resolute speech attended by soldiers, or religious leaders, or firemen, or some mix of ethnic-looking people from one of those countries.

"We have to give this plan time to wop bop a loo bop, a wop bam boom, ah ah ting tang walla walla bing bang," President Bush may as well have said. "May God [help/bless/save] the United States of America."

Happy 4/20!

leigh — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 21:26:30 GMT

more pot smoking girl pics

Pack up!

colonel — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 21:33:18 GMT

From the Dallas Morning News...

Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Terry Glenn has sued Robert Pack, alleging the former Dallas Mavericks guard refused to leave a Flower Mound mansion that Mr. Glenn agreed to purchase for $2.6 million.

Mr. Glenn, who still wants to purchase the house, said he paid a $50,000 escrow fee and that the parties had agreed to an April 4 closing date, according to Denton County court documents filed last week. Mr. Glenn’s attorneys wrote they were later notified that Mr. Pack did not believe a contract existed.

At a court hearing Monday, Mr. Glenn and his wife, Monica, sought a temporary injunction that would prevent Mr. Pack from selling the house to a third party. Mr. Pack's attorney Robert Yale said the court denied their request.

The Glenns' lawsuit against Mr. Pack for breach of contract will continue. The Glenns' attorney, Daryl K. Washington, could not be reached for comment.

Court records indicate Mr. Pack had fallen behind in mortgage payments for the house, located in the 5600 block of Masters Court in Flower Mound’s gated Tour 18 community north of Grapevine Lake. In one filing, Mr. Pack wrote he had about $300,000 in equity.

In December, a Denton County court issued a restraining order preventing CitiMortgage Inc. from foreclosing on the house. Mr. Yale said an agreement was reached between CitiMortgage Inc. and Mr. Pack and will prevent the foreclosure. Mr. Yale said CitiMortage will get paid in full.

According to online records with the Denton Central Appraisal District, the 9,300-square-foot home was built in 2000. It has seven bedrooms, eight-and-a-half baths and four fireplaces.

Mr. Pack played professional basketball from 1991 to 2004. He spent four seasons with the Dallas Mavericks beginning in 1996.

Mr. Glenn has played wide receiver in the National Football League since 1996, including the past four seasons with the Dallas Cowboys.

Chris Paul a terrorist!

colonel — Thu, 12 Apr 2007 17:56:10 GMT

From the AP...

A federal grand jury indicted a U.S. citizen on charges of joining al-Qaida and conspiring to bomb European tourist resorts and U.S. government facilities and military bases overseas.

Christopher Paul, 43, of Columbus, trained with al-Qaida in the early 1990s, the indictment issued Wednesday says. The indictment says he told al-Qaida members in Pakistan and Afghanistan that he was dedicated to committing violent jihad.

Paul is charged with providing material support to terrorists, conspiracy to provide support to terrorists and conspiracy to use a weapon of mass destruction.

Fred Alverson, spokesman for the U.S. attorney’s office in Columbus, said Thursday that he couldn’t comment further on the case.

Federal prosecutors planned to hold a news conference later Thursday.

Behind bars

Paul was in the Franklin County Jail late Wednesday after a U.S. District Court hearing was postponed until his attorney, Don Wolery, could be present. Wolery did not immediately return a message seeking comment Thursday morning.

The indictment says Paul traveled to Germany about April 1999 to train co-conspirators to use explosives to attack European and U.S. targets, including government buildings and vacation spots frequented by American tourists.

It does not address specific resorts or buildings that might have been targeted, but it gives U.S. embassies, military bases and consular premises in Europe as examples.

Paul was born Paul Kenyatta Laws. He legally changed his name to Abdulmalek Kenyatta in 1989, then to Christopher Paul in 1994, according to the indictment said.

Two other Columbus men have been charged in federal investigators’ terrorism investigation. Iyman Faris was sentenced in 2003 to 20 years in prison for a plot to topple the Brooklyn Bridge. Nuradin Abdi, accused of plotting to blow up a Columbus-area shopping mall, is awaiting trial on charges including conspiring to aid terrorists.

Will Ferrell/Jon Heder Chat/ABA Movie

schottsie — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 20:15:25 GMT

Blades of Glory is going to rock.....Will mentions below that he is working on an ABA movie set in the 70s too....

http://proxy.espn.go.com/chat/chatESPN?event_id=15089

Welcome to The Show! On Sunday, we have a special Sunday afternoon chat that can't be missed. Will Ferrell and Jon Heder will stop by to chat about their newest movie ''Blades of Glory,'' a DreamWorks film, whichs opens Friday, March 30.

The movie's official website says ''Blades of Glory'' is about how rival men's figure skaters Chazz Michael Michaels (Ferrell) and Jimmy MacElroy (Heder) get banned from the sport for life after they fight at the World Championships. But over three years later, the two find a loophole that will allow them back into the sport - they just have to skate as a pair.

Ferrell is a famed USC fan, having graduated from the school in 1989 with a degree in sports information. He got his break in show business in 1995 when he earned a spot on Saturday Night Live. He stayed on the show for seven years. Ferrell is married and has two children.

Heder's big hit came in 2004 with his movie ''Napoleon Dynamite,'' where he played the title character. He's one of six children. He graduated from South Salem High School in Salem, Ore. in 1996 and then from Brigham Young in 2003. Heder married in 2002 and has one child.

Send in your questions now, then join Will and Jon for a special Sunday afternoon chat. Will stops by at 3 p.m. ET and Jon will be here at 3:30!

Buzzmaster: We don't usually have chats on Sunday afternoon - it's a day of rest. However, when we were asked if we wanted a chat with Will Ferrell and Jon Heder, we couldn't turn it down! The two funny men will be stopping by at 3 p.m. ET on Sunday afternoon. Send in your questions now and join us Sunday!

Buzzmaster: We're less than 15 minutes from the arrival of Will Ferrell on campus here at ESPN. I have to admit, Buzz has butterflies in his stomach!

Buzzmaster: Five minutes! We're at the five-minute countdown!

collin- nj: Will Ferrell you are a comedic genious!!! every movie you do is funnier than the last!!! cant wait to see Blades of Glory!!! you rule!!!!

Buzzmaster: Thanks Collin, we'll send on your comments to him!

Jeff (Iowa): Buzz, are you focused and ready to go?

Buzzmaster: I hope so. I've been practicing my typing, stretching out my fingers. Keeping them warm, trying not to let them get cold.

Duke , Chandler, AZ: When does the movie come out

Buzzmaster: This coming Friday!

Jeff (Iowa): Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention. I've just been handed an urgent and horrifying news story. I need all of you, to stop what you're doing and listen. Cannonball.

Buzzmaster: They're here! We've got Will! Let's get started.

Mel in CT: Will, do you find that your fans expect you to be "the funny guy" all of the time, off the set and on the street? If they do, do you get annoyed by that?

Will Ferrell: Yes. Of course I run in to people that want me to be funny and I'm happy to do that at a nominal fee. So each encounter ranges from $30-50 for three minutes of humor. Which is a pretty good rate if you ask me.

chris, houston: Hey Will, do you find showing your backside in movies liberating or do you just like to show it off?

Will Ferrell: Both. I think of course it's liberating. And I think it's exciting to the audience.

Brian (Enfield, CT): The two of you have had many funny quotes throughout your movies and undoubtedly the inbox is been flooded with them right now. But what's the quote that has always stuck with each of you?

Will Ferrell: There's been a lot of quotes that people will yell at me from time to time. My personal favorites are ''Milk was a bad choice'' and ''I want to be on you.''

Dave (Jackson, MI): What was it like to have tight pants on being so close together?

Will Ferrell: It was definitely a different experience for me. Not so much the tight pants, because I enjoy wearing tight pants in my personal life, but the being so close together part was all unchartered territory.

Chelton (San Antonio, Texas): For Will, You're an awesome actor man and I was just wondering what your favorite movie has been so far in your career?

Will Ferrell: Well, it's hard to pick one but if I have to I pick Anchorman. That was a movie that took almost three years to make and I wrote it with my good friend Adam McKay and we were pretty much left alone by the studio and could make the movie we wanted to make.

gerry tallahassee, FL: will, how bad do you wish USC was playing georgetown today for a chance at the final four having come so close on friday against UNC??

Will Ferrell: Pretty bad even though this year's success was way ahead of schedule. We have OJ Mayo coming to school in the fall at least for one year until he leaves for the pros.

Rigo (Calecia, CA): Chazz, some say figure skating is not a manly sport. Others say it's not a sport at all. Do you consider yourself a man or an athelete?

Will Ferrell: I consider myself a manathlete, which is a rare blend, a hybrid if you will, of man and athlete.

Joe (South Range, WI): Will, you've done a NASCAR movie and now a figure skating movie. What sport is next? I believe you could make a Golf movie hilarious!

Will Ferrell: Well, belive it or not, I'm currently filming a movie about the ABA in the 70's called ''Semi-Pro''. But I do attack someone with a golf club in the movie, if that's any consolation.

Matt (Washington D.C): Will, I saw you on Late Night with Letterman while Vince Young was on the same show, and you were going at it with Vince, because you are a USC fan. It got to the point where I was considering a fight between you two. So, who would win in a fight you or Vince Young?

Will Ferrell: First of all, that was the Tonight Show with Jay Leno, so put down the bong and pay attention. And, of course, we all know who would win in a fight.

Mike Plymouth Meeting PA: Who would win in a fight... Ron Burgundy, Frank the Tank, Ricky Bobby or Chazz Michaels?

Will Ferrell: That is a tough one. I think Ron Burgundy would run away. I think Chazz Michael Michaels would swing so hard that he would knock himself out with his own punch. That leaves Ricky Bobby and Frank the Tank which I think they would wrestle to a draw.

Joey (NY, NY): Did you actually have to learn to skate, or did you have stunt men do those parts of the movie?

Will Ferrell: We, believe it or not, learned to skate, at least the basics. Then it was a mixture of skating stunt doubles and special effects for the movie.

steve sheets thomasville nc: Will, you look like you work out, what is your secret?

Will Ferrell: Thank you for saying that. I work out two times a month for 20 straight hours. It's very intense but it's only two times a month so I find it's the easiest with my schedule.

Buzzmaster: Will had to leave. He's filming stuff for SportsCenter with Kenny Mayne.

Buzzmaster: Jon is up next!

Buzzmaster: Jon's here!

Mac (Marietta,Ga): Who's the better athlete, you or Farrell?

Jon Heder: Me by an ice slide. He knows a lot about sports though. It's hard to say. In ice skating, it's me. In basketball, him. In football, I can run fast and dodge people. I'm a much better swimmer than he is.

CT fan: Jon- I just have to know . . . when you go to a Mexican restaurant, do you order a "quesadee-a" or a "quesadilla"?

Jon Heder: I ordered a ta-mail (That's tamale.)

Mel in CT: Jon, do you ever find that your movie sayings creep into your real life?

Jon Heder: I think my sayings creeped into the movie. So yes. I think they do. They're always bleeding in and out. Sometimes. I'll say something and it'll be stupid and my wife will look at me. I tell her, come on that's pretty funny.

Ryne (Bradenton, Florida): What kind of tux did you wear to your senior prom?

Jon Heder: Are there brands? I just know that it was a HOT color. HOT PINK cummerbund and tie. Traditional black tux, but hot pink. It was those 90's neon colors.

Brendan (Philadelphia, PA): Jon, do you only get recognized for your role in 'Napoleon' or do you get notice for your other roles also?

Jon Heder: Yeah. That's an easy one. Although, I look more like some of my other characters.

Brad (Gadsden,Alabama): Jon, What sports did you play in high school,and Are they going to have a Napolean Dynamite 2?

Jon Heder: Swim team in high school. No comment on Napoleon Dynamite 2. Keep your fingers crossed. They may cramp after a while.

jack (TN): jon have you considered producing a dance video?

Jon Heder: I have considered it. I don't know if it's gonig to happen. But I have dreamed about it.

Phil ((Two Rivers, WI)): What is your favorite animal?... a liger, I hope.

Jon Heder: I'd say big cats. Panthers.

Bob (Boston MA): jon, i saw you in Benchwarmers, are you that bad at baseball?

Jon Heder: No. I was pissed off because I thought I was going to be able to play a lot of baseball. Instead I had to be bad and keep missing the ball. I'm not awesome, but I do enjoy playing. I'm not that bad.

Alan (GA): Hey Jon who did you like working with better Will Ferrell or Billy Bob Thornton

Jon Heder: What if Billy Bob reads this? They're both wonderful souls with sweet spririts. But Will is easier on the eyes. I didn't have to grope Billy Bob as much.

Aaron Pensacola: Okay, I know Will is from Canada where male ice skaters are a dime a dozen, but Jon, you are from Idaho. Will had the adolescent ice skating training no less. Jon, what kind of rigorous training both physically and mentally did you have to endure to prepare for this life changing role?

Jon Heder: What kind of rigorous type of training? The kind where you get on the ice every day. I've never ice skated. It was like learning a new language for your body.

Erik (WI): That dance scene in Napolean is awesome. How did you prep for that?

Jon Heder: I didn't prepare for it. It's as simple as that. I just winged it.

Ryne: (Bradenton, Florida): Will and Jon, what was the most challenging part of learning how to figure skate for this film?

Jon Heder: It's not a challenge to break your ankle, but I did. But healing from that, the most challenging part was learning how to balance. It's all about balance and control.

Marcus Resendez (Austin,TX): What movies do you have planned to make after Blades of Glory?

Jon Heder: More Sci-Fi's.

Jon Heder: Definitely fantasy.

Colt (Rigby, Idaho): What is the highlight of your acting career?

Jon Heder: Working with Will Ferrell and learning to ice skate.

Ben (Atlanta, GA): Jon, how much unscripted stuff makes it into your films? Which film of yours has the most improv in it?

Jon Heder: Most of the films have had very little improv. The scripts have been really good. Surf's Up was an animation that I did, which was mostly improv.

Mark (Miami, Fl): you have taken on a ton of movies in a very short spanof time.. are you intrested in any serious roles or just more comidies?

Jon Heder: I'm interested in serious roles.........seriously funny roles.

Colt (Rigby, Idaho): Do you ever ice skate in your free time?

Jon Heder: I've been once. I'm definitely going to try and do it more often.

Marissa (Ohio): What was your favorite part in Blades of Glory?

Jon Heder: The costumes were pretty amazing. Getting to wear costumes that you plug in.

Mike (Milwaukee, Wisconsin): If you would ever learn self defense, would you learn from the same guy that taught Kip in Napoleon?

Jon Heder: No way. Rex was worthless. I'm not going to trust a man with a wife like that.

Luke (Chicago): How do you relate the role to Napolion Dinomight

Jon Heder: You really butchered that spelling. We both like potato products.

Nikhil (Westland, MI): How fun did you guys have making this film because the trailers look hilarious?

Jon Heder: We had a blast. It was very tiring, because it's a sports movie. Long and cold. But ice fishing kept our spirits high.

Alex (Columbus, Ohio): Jon, Are you sports fan of any kind?

Jon Heder: I enjoy playing sports. I do enjoy attending sports events because the crowds are boisterous and lively. I don't follow anything or keep up on stats or anything.

Dustin (Detroit): How sick are you of people asking Napoleon questions on this chat?

Jon Heder: Enough to start an online chat with you and then learn more about you and then kill you.

Matt Brummel (Michigan): are you awesome jon?

Jon Heder: Indubitably.

Tim (Minneapolis, MN): Does will have a steady hand when he holds you in the air by your crotch? He must be strong.

Jon Heder: Will's super power is being funny and having super strength. It was nice because his hand was smooth and lotioned.

R.C. (Rocherster, NY): If you hadn't discovered acting and N.D. didn't bring you to such a level you are at now, what would you be doing with your life?

Jon Heder: Animating. Computer character animation.

Aaron (Pensacola): When are you going to host SNL? I think you would be great. Have Will hook you up.

Jon Heder: Ahhhh, I already did. Ashlee was the musical guest. You definitely should have seen that one.

James (NY, NY): Have you ever hunted wolverines?

Jon Heder: I've never killed an animal in my life. Are you a wolverine? Because I've definitely hunted you.

Jeff (Iowa): Jon, did you get beat up a lot in school?

Jon Heder: No way. I was like a ninja.

Alex (California): who did you idolize growing up?

Jon Heder: My father. That's the real answer. Let's get serious now.

Mack (Salt Lake): Do more people call you Jon or Napolean?

Jon Heder: Neither. They call me butt head.

Mike (Boston): what is the favorite role you've played so far.

Jon Heder: I'd say Officer Hardy in Funky Town.

Trent (College Station, TX): What compelled you to do this film?

Jon Heder: I guess the simple award-winning concept of the film was enough for me.

Daniel (Tampa, Fl): Jon, what does your wife think about all the funny stuff you do. I know my wife gets annoyed sometimes when Im acting goofy

Jon Heder: The same. She doesn't see it through the same eyes.

Andrew (West Newton, MA): what is your favorite cuss word?

Jon Heder: Dink.

Mike (Boston): your pick: PS3, Xbox 360 or Wii.

Jon Heder: Wii.

Lloyd (Jackson Hole, Wyoming): What is one job you would never want to do?

Jon Heder: I've done it before and I never want to do it again - hot tub assembly line.

Russ (Utah): Jon, any advice for picking up on chicks besides being rich and famous? My D&D skills and my World of Warcraft skills don't seem to be cutting it.

Jon Heder: That depends on your World of Warcraft score. The more invincibles you have, the more the girl will respond.

Matt (Orlando, FL): What music is playing in your IPOD before your character goes out for his skating competition

Jon Heder: Definitely Sanjaya. Before that Harry Bellafonte.

Tim (Minneapolis, MN): Do little girls cry when they see you, like they do when they see Sanjaya?

Jon Heder: When they see Jimmy, the Blades of Glory character. And yes, when they see me.

Bryan RIos (Blacksburg, VA): Jon, i heard you're into sailing..any truth in that?

Jon Heder: Where did you read that?! I didn't want anyone to know that I was into sailing. Dang it! I tried to keep that so secret.

Ron (Austin, TX): Jon, what's the oddedst question you've been asked while doing press for Blades of Glory?

Jon Heder: Am I into sailing?

Adam (Independence, KY): Hey Jon ... say hi to my wife. She is a huge fan of yours!

Jon Heder: Hi.

Ryne (Bradenton, Florida): Jon, who do you like better, Scott Van Pelt or Staurt Scott?

Jon Heder: Stuart Scott.

Mike (Oakland): John say hi to my dog, hes a huge fan of yours!!!

Jon Heder: Woof.

Greg (Utah): Jon, If you are stranded on a desert island and you could bring 1 movie, which would you bring and why? Also, my wife says hi!

Jon Heder: Porco Rosso. It's a good miyazaki film. Got a good stranded beach scene.

Dave (Dayton, OH): Why havent you been answering my questions?

Jon Heder: Nothing's wrong with sailing. It's fun.

Nick (Las Vegas): Have does your profession fit in with your faith?

Jon Heder: It fits in nicely. You just have to stick to your standards and make decisions you feel right about.

Selah (Michigan): if you could have one superpower, what would it be, and why?

Jon Heder: I want to fly.

Chris (Honolulu): Did you go to church today in CT?

Jon Heder: No, they don't have churches here. They're basically all doomed. Connecticut is a cesspool for sin.

Ryne (Bradenton, Florida): Jon thanks for staying on the chat so long.

Jon Heder: It's only because Will is taking so long in the other room. I guess he's trying to make everybody laugh. He tries so hard.

cj (denver): do you have any trouble getting out of your roles in real life... I know screech came to my school once and complained the whole time about how no one really knew him

Jon Heder: I would never come to your school to complain, but to encourage education.

Woody (SCS, MI): Jon, before you go will you say hi to my sister for me, she's a big fan.

Jon Heder: Sure, hello.

Blake (Eureka,IL): What is your favorite sports movie?

Jon Heder: I actually really liked ''Cutting Edge,'' not a coincidence.

Nick (Albany): Jon. are you or were you ever a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fan?

Jon Heder: Yes, absolutely.

Greg (Cleveland): Could you take the Karate Kid in a fight

Jon Heder: Now I could, because he's probably about 55.

Cman (Santa Rosa): C'mon moderators...You're gatekeeping is lame. Questions to Jon are lame...

Moderator: OK, fine. Ask better questions.

Steve (Geneseo): Is Will Ferrell too cool to do these things?

Jon Heder: So cool that he got to do it first. You missed it.

James (Pittsburgh): I'm excited for the movie Blades of Glory but can we expect some Oscar nominations from the film?

Jon Heder: Best costumes.

Steven (Czech Republic): I asked one about pranks on set with Will moderator

Jon Heder: What's with the obsession with pranks on movie sets? But yes, I snuck into Amy Poehler's trailer and watched her sleep.

Jon Heder: It was fun.

Daniel (Tel Aviv): How was working in a bodysuit with ferrell?did that make either of u uncomfortable?>

Jon Heder: It put us on equal grounds. We litterally bonded.

ZDK (Ct): I bet Will Arnet would beat you up if he read that.

Jon Heder: No way. Will Arnet was there with me when we did it.

Jon Heder: It was his idea.

Buzzmaster: Thanks Jon!

Buzzmaster: Man, we got some extended time with Jon Heder.

Buzzmaster: He was all into the chat.

Ryne (Bradenton, Florida): THANKS JON AND BUZZ YOU ARE GODS!!!!!!!!

Buzzmaster: I'm glad everyone was able to check this out. I don't think I've ever laughed so much.

ryan (melrose,ma): Thanks for this special chat Buzz.

Ryne (Bradenton, Florida): Buzz dont leave stay and chat for awhile

Matt (NJ): Thanks Napoleon now give me your tots

Ted (Boston,MA): Any chance Buzz,Jon could fill to do a special fill in for The Morning Buzz?

Buzzmaster: I wish. He might do it if he had time. He was all about seeing how this whole chat thing worked.

Buzzmaster: Well, everyone. Thanks for stopping by. I had a blast. That was a really fun chat.

Buzzmaster: See you tomorrow morning for The Morning Buzz!